The time has come to tell your friends and family about your preference for nonmonogamy. You’re on the cusp of self-liberation—so why does it feel so daunting, or even scary, like you’re about to confess to some sinister transgression? This is normal. You are not alone. Even in progressive families and communities, people who practice nonmonogamy are susceptible to misinformation and accusations of moral and emotional failings. Facing this requires its own coming out and education process.
Let this book be your roadmap for explaining the expansive intricacies of the consensual nonmonogamy spectrum. Tamara Pincus and Rebecca Hiles fuse personal experience and community research to break down the various incarnations of polyamorous relationship structures, the intersections of polyamory with race and gender, and the seemingly esoteric jargon of the lifestyle. If you absolutely have to explain what a “unicorn hunter” is to your auntie, Tamara has you covered.
“Can poly people raise children? Can they live normal, healthy lives?” Such questions, grounded in myths typical of those faced by sexual minorities, are eloquently answered, and the real dangers of being out as poly in a monogamy-centered society are frankly laid bare.
No matter the conversation you’re going in, It’s Called “Polyamory” helps you come out confident.
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Side Track Behomoth gay club drawing a diverse crowd, serving up slushy drinks & known for showtune nights. www.sidetrackchicago.com
Second Story Bar Small, old-school, cash-only local gay bar tucked away in low-lit digs above Sayat Nova restaurant. www.facebook.com/secondstorybar
Progress Bar Hip nightclub offering craft brews, DJs & dancing in flashy digs with a huge lightbulb sculpture. progressbarchicago.com
Roscoe’s Tavern Neighborhood gay & lesbian bar dating back to 1987 with a dance floor, pool table & outdoor spaces. www.roscoes.com
Lark Chicago Lark’s dining experience is hip, friendly and fun, perfect for date night, groups, weekday dinner or weekend brunch with the family in Boystown. www.larkchicago.com
The Closet Opened in 1978, this tiny, unpretentious LGBT bar features dancing, games & karaoke. theclosetchicago.com
When their daughter Rosie was born, Eric and Stephani Lohman found themselves thrust into a situation they were not prepared for. Born intersex – a term that describes people who are born with a variety of physical characteristics that do not fit neatly into traditional conceptions about male and female bodies – Rosie’s parents were pressured to consent to normalizing surgery on Rosie, without being offered any alternatives despite their concerns.
Part memoir, part guidebook, this powerful book tells the authors’ experience of refusing to have Rosie operated on and how they raised a child who is intersex. The book looks at how they spoke about the condition to friends and family, to Rosie’s teachers and caregivers, and shows how they plan on explaining it to Rosie when she is older. This uplifting and empowering story is a must read for all parents of intersex children.
This Follow Friday is an opportunity to celebrate some amazing black trans women. Black trans women face significant challenges in our society. The US Trans Survey reports that trans women of color are more than twice as likely to be living in poverty and four times more likely to be unemployed. The HIV rate among black trans women was an astounding 19%. Black trans women, however, cannot simply be reduced to a collection of risk factors. The amazing women below are each succeeding in their respective fields and fighting back against racism, transphobia, and misogyny along the way.
Actress Alexandra Grey had a standout cameo performance on season three of the Amazon series Transparent, portraying a trans teenager in foster care (a story line that mirrors her own life). You may also remember Alexandra from her portrayal of trans activist Marsha P. Johnson in an amazing Stonewall themed episode of Drunk History.
Thankfully, we will be seeing much more of Alexandra in the future. She has a recurring role on the miniseries When We Rise. This highly anticipated series, written and produced by Academy Award Winner Dustin Lance Black, tells the history of the LGBT rights movement in the United States beginning with the Stonewall riots.
Monica Roberts, AKA the TransGriot (Gree-oh) is a native Houstonian, GLAAD award nominated blogger, writer, and award winning trans human rights advocate.
She’s the founding editor of TransGriot, and her writing has appeared at the Bilerico Project, Ebony.com, The Huffington Post and the Advocate.
twitter.com/angelicaross
Like Dane, Angelica Ross wears multiple has. She is perhaps known best one of the stars of the web series Her Story, a role that has garnered her widespread acclaim exploring dating and relationship issues for trans and queer women.
She is also the founding CEO of TransTech Social Enterprises. TransTech is an incubator for LGBTQ Talent with a focus on economically empowering the T, transgender people, in our community. TransTech provides services including online community and trainings, helping individuals get the tech credentials they need to pursue or grow their careers.
Fallon Fox is an American mixed martial artist (MMA). She is the first openly African American transgender athlete in MMA history.
Prior to her career in MMA, Fox had served in the Navy as a operations specialist 2nd class for the U.S.S. Enterprise. Fallon was ‘outed’ as transgender and endured transphobia coming from some in in the UFC, but was undeterred. Fallon has become a powerful advocate and role model appearing on ESPN, in the Advocate Magazine, and working as a partner in the Nike #BeTrue campaign.
Dane Edidi does it all. She is an actress, author, singer, playwright, poet, and priestess. A native of Baltimore, Maryland, Dane’s poetry collection Baltimore, a Love Letter was written during and after the Baltimore 2015 Riots. The poem that gives this collection its name is both a beautiful reflection on the city as well as a call to action (it is my personal favorite of all of Dane’s poems).
Dane is the author of several novels and novellas including Brew, the fictional story of a trans teenager, which also draws inspiration from Baltimore where the story is set.
Elle hearns is a powerful activist, speaker, and community organizer. Elle began her work organizing black trans women in her hometown of Columbus, Ohio in response to the murders of trans women including Cemia Dove, Brittney Nicole Kidd-Stergis,Tiffany Edwards, and Betty Skinner.
Her activism brought her to Washington DC where she worked for Get Equal as a regional coordinator. Elle is known for her leadership on grassroots initiatives including Trans Liberation Tuesday, as well as digital campaigns More Than Marriage, and Raise the Debate.
Elle Hearns has been involved in Black Lives Matter since the very beginning of the movement and currently serves as an organizing coordinator.
Healer, orator and academic, Lourdes Ashley Hunter has served as a transformative thought leader and change agent for grass-roots initiatives that impact the economic growth and leadership development of communities disproportionately impacted by state sanctioned violence for over 20 years. Lourdes’ research, curriculum development, global organizing and activism centers healing restoration in social justice change. co-founder and National Director of Trans Women of Color Collective (TWOCC)
Fans tune in weekly to watch Kat Blaque on youtube, and especially the ongoing True Tea advice series. With over 100,000 subscribers, Kat has become a powerful voice speaking candidly about feminism, racial justice, and gender identity & expression.
Suicide is an important public health issue for all communities, but especially for the LGBT community. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention reports that “in recent years studies have indicated a higher prevalence of suicide attempts among lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.” (the full report is available here)
Knowing how to help others gives us confidence to reach out and connect with people who seem to be hurting or having difficulties. Here are 5 simple steps one can take that may ultimately save someone’s life.
■ Ask: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” It’s not an easy question but studies show that asking at-risk individuals if they are suicidal does not increase suicides or suicidal thoughts.
■ Keep them safe: Reducing a suicidal person’s access to highly lethal items or places is an important part of suicide prevention. While this is not always easy, asking if the person has a plan and removing or disabling the lethal means can make a difference.
■ Be there: Listen carefully and learn what the individual is thinking and feeling. Findings suggest acknowledging and talking about suicide may in fact reduce rather than increase suicidal thoughts.
■ Help them connect: Save the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline’s number in your phone so it’s there if you need it: 1-800- 273-TALK (8255). You can also help make a connection with a trusted individual like a family member, friend, spiritual advisor, or mental health professional.
■ Stay connected: Staying in touch after a crisis or after being discharged from care can make a difference. Studies have shown the number of suicide deaths goes down when someone follows up with the at-risk person.
This resource was created by the Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress, and adapted from the National Institute of Mental Health
For years, Julie Rodgers’s entire life revolved around trying not to be gay. She grew up in an Evangelical Christian family, hearing that she was “depraved, disgusting, broken, an enemy of God.” In her new memoir, Outlove: A Queer Christian Survival Story (Broadleaf Books, $24.99 paper; June 22, 2021), Rodgers tells how she went from ex-gay poster child to helping bring down Exodus, the largest ex-gay organization in the world, and to building a whole, healthy, and happy life with her wife Amanda Hite.
Rodgers’s story is featured in the documentary Pray Away, executive-produced by Ryan Murphy, which will debut on the streaming service in August, 2021. A Tribeca Festival Official Selection (2020), it will be shown at this year’s festival, in a sold-out screening on June 16.
Rodgers grew up at the center of the debate between Evangelical Christians and the LGBTQ community—a battle that continues to rage in headlines and courtrooms across the country. Hers is a painful coming of age story: a teenage girl who wants to be “good,” to be loved, to belong, but whose own mother considers her an abomination. When she came out to her family at 16, she was immediately enrolled at a conversion therapy ministry called Living Hope—an organization that is active and growing to this day. Conversion therapy has been widely discredited by medical and psychiatric organizations. Rodgers hopes her story will help young LGBTQ people who have been harmed by efforts to change their orientation.
Julie’s story is also that of a naive, earnest young woman who began to understand how she was being used by evangelical leaders to support their narrative about homosexuality, and to protect them from being branded as bigots. “I was seen as one of a handful of unicorn gays who would parrot conservative views and shield them from accusations of homophobia,” she writes of her time as a speaker at Q conferences and as the first openly gay associate chaplain at Wheaton College, an Evangelical school. “I was a pawn in their battle against my own people.”
All the while, she was self-harming, beset by self-loathing. “What’s a queer person to do,” she asks, “when the only people we’ve ever known and loved believe our love is disordered and our bodies are broken?”
“Evangelical leaders had willfully lied about the people I loved,” Rodgers writes. “They actively spun stories that denigrated beautiful queer people, drumming up fear in Evangelicals to mobilize them to support their preferred policies in every sphere of society.”
After years of trying to fit in to the conservative world she had grown up in, Julie “didn’t have the will to live another day at the center of the evangelical debate about queer people.”
Now 35, Rodgers is comfortable in the skin she once burned—out, affirming, feminist, politically progressive, and still Christian. Her faith looks a lot different now, with more room for mystery and more questions than answers. “The day I married Amanda I bore my scars with pride in a sleeveless gown. I thought they told a story about neurotic queer who was broken and deranged. I finally understood the scars told a story of a girl who was born into a system that tried to kill her and by the grace of God, I survived.”
About the author: Julie Rodgers is a writer, speaker, and leader in the movement working for full inclusion for LGBTQ people in Christian communities. She is featured in Pray Away (2020), a documentary about the moment to pray the gay away. Her writing has been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and Time. Through her writing and speaking, Julie inspires people to reimagine belonging with her queer reflections on faith, public life, and chosen family.
