Victory Fund Endorses Malcom Kenyatta

Malcom Kenyatta

Victory Fund has endorsed Malcom Kenyatta for the United States Senate in Pennsylvania. If elected Kenyatta will become the first out gay man ever elected to the United States Senate. His primary election takes place May 17, 2022, and the general election is November 8, 2022.

The Victory Fund writes…

Representative Malcolm Kenyatta currently serves as Vice-Chair of the Philadelphia Delegation, as a member of the Governor’s Task Force on Suicide Prevention, and on a host of committee leadership positions. As the first openly LGBTQ+ person of color and one of the youngest members elected to the PA General Assembly, he is deeply committed to creating an equitable and inclusive society. As a legislator, he has championed proposals to address generational poverty, raise the minimum wage, protect workers’ rights, increase access to mental healthcare, stem the rise of gun violence, and protect our digital infrastructure. 
 
In 2016 and in 2020, he was elected as Delegate to the Democratic Convention, both times garnering the second-highest vote total of any delegate in the Commonwealth. He has also appeared on local and national media outlets to discuss systemic poverty, affordable education and childcare, and making government more accountable to citizens. He was the subject of an award-winning short documentary about his election run, ‘Going Forward’ produced by Seven Knot Productions, which premiered on ‘The Atlantic Magazine Selects’ in 2018. In 2020, he was chosen by President Joe Biden to give the keynote address at the Democratic National Convention along with a group of other ‘Rising Stars.’ He was one of twenty Electoral College votes cast for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. 

Malcolm lives in the same neighborhood he grew up in North Philadelphia with his partner, Dr. Matthew Jordan Miller. 

Learn more about Malcom at: www.malcolmkenyatta.com

When Your Partner is Struggling with Addiction

When Someone You Love is Struggling with Addiction

It’s tough enough when a friend has a problem with drugs or alcohol. It’s even more complicated when your partner does. It’s simply harder to see things objectively or to separate yourself from the effect of your partner’s addiction when you’re so emotionally, physically, and often financially intertwined. He needs help, and you need help. So who’s left to help the relationship? Can we both get through this together?

This article offers some insight and advice on how to support your partner, yourself, and your relationship through this difficult period. Perhaps it will also validate your own experiences and even offer some hope. Before going further, however, it may be useful to read When Your Friend Has a Drug or Alcohol Problem for an overview of addiction, the recovery process, and effective helping strategies.

THE COURSE OF ADDICTION ON RELATIONSHIPS

Although every intimate relationship is certainly unique, predictable patterns often emerge when addiction joins the partnership. As addiction develops and evolves, most couples experi-ence parallel changes in how their relation-ship feels and functions. The common progres-sion looks something like this:

Explanations: Early in the development of the addiction, you and your partner explain away his occasional episodes of excessive drug use or drinking. You may attri-bute them to unusual stress at work or a birthday celebration gone too far, for example. Although the events come and go, your anger, embar-rassment, or disappointment may start to build up.

Doubt and distrust: Soon you realize that your partner’s drug use/drinking is not normal, and you begin to pressure him to be more careful, cut down, or quit. This can be especially difficult if you both drank or used drugs together, you now stop, but your partner doesn’t. In this case, your partner might see the problem not as his own substance abuse but as your sudden attitude reversal towards this once shared activity. Regardless, you now become the bad guy or the nagging mother in the relationship.

At the same time, you try to hide his problem from the outside and keep up a good front,which can become exhausting over time. You may notice more negative emotions creeping in. Where is he? He’s hungover and now I have to do all the yard work. What is he doing all night? I hate that I don’t believe him. As resentment and distrust emerge, so too might the apologies and promises not to let it happen again. You forgive again because you love him.

Crisis: Now you can no longer pretend everything is OK, and you spend much of the time going from crisis to crisis. Life seems quiet for a while. Then all of a sudden – another binge, another chunk of money gone, another 3-day disappearance, another lie that’s backfired. The emotional roller coaster consumes your energy. You may feel helpless and unable to control the emotional or practical chaos of your own house-hold. At this point, you might start seeking outside help.

Sex can become a central and divisive issue, particularly when crystal meth is involved. A common scenario goes like this: Your sex life starts to shrivel up, he starts having sex outside the relationship or going beyond the agreements in your “open” relationship. You may feel ignored sexually or even feel manipulat-ed if your partner uses sex to “make up” for something he’s done or to prove he loves you even though he’s acting like an ass. Ultimately, sex can become some-thing to avoid, withhold, or use as emotional leverage.

If you’re worried that his sexual activ-ity might bring home HIV or an STD, start insisting on condoms, having less anal sex and getting tested more frequently. Many men take greater sexual risks when under the influence, so your concerns are certainly valid. Do what you need to protect yourself.

Coming to terms: Your coping abilities eventually become stronger and now you clearly see the addiction. You gradually assume a larger share of the responsibility for the home, friend/family commitments, and taking care of your own needs. You become more resilient to his lies and denial and less guilty for not getting pulled into them.

This period sometimes becomes the “ultimatum phase.” You want to help, you want to stick by him, but you can’t do it unconditionally. Many partners set new limits (or at least stop adjusting old ones) and begin to envision a possible change or end to the relationship.

Disentangling: At this point, the “we” evolves into “you and me” as you begin to see yourself more separately from your partner or his addiction. Many turn to counseling, with or without their partners, in attempts to either arrest the addiction or deal with its consequences. It may be useful to work with a coun-selor with specialized experience in addiction and for each partner to see his own therapist outside of couples counseling.

Should I leave? becomes a common question here. How long do I try and how far do I go to help until I just can’t anymore? Clearly, the answer is different in each relationship, but there are two situations in which you should strongly consider separation, even if only temporarily:

  1. Your partner’s addiction is making you sick as well and you are no longer the person you used to be. Perhaps you see yourself more depressed, withdrawn from friends, not doing the fun hobbies you used to, or having prob-lems at work because you’re so distracted.
  2. Your own financial, physical, or legal security is in jeopardy. Physical or sexual violence should never be tolerated.

Addiction can have cata-strophic legal and financial consequences. Watch out for deep trouble spots and take steps to protect yourself as much as possible. Distancing yourself can be tricky, of course, if you co-own a house, bank account, or other assets, but it is even more critical in these cases. Co-ownership is also an emotional symbol of trust and commitment in most relationships. Talk to a legal or financial professional for objective advice.

Some men feel a lot of social pressure to stay in a relationship. They don’t want to appear too “heart-less,” or they worry what friends might say if they jump ship too soon. And what do you do about all the friends you and your partner share? What if you adore his family and they adore you? This is where trust-ing your instincts is important.

Too many guys have prolonged painful relationships by not believing their own sense that something is wrong. There are so many ways to talk yourself out of your own gut feelings. Maybe I’m overreacting. He said he didn’t get high last night. Well I acted like a jerk too. But no matter what your partner says or what your own head says, your gut will always know when something doesn’t feel right. Listen to yourself, trust yourself, believe yourself. If something feels wrong, it probably is.

Reorganizing: You either reconcile with your partner in his recovery or restructure your life without him.If the relationship ends, it doesn’t mean you didn’t try hard enough to make it work. Or that you didn’t do the right things along the way. The responsibility for the relationship lies equally between you. He is responsible for his addiction and for its consequences on others. That may not lessen your sense of loss, betrayal, or anger, but it may help you move forward knowing that the decision to leave was at least the right one for you.

You may or may not be able to con-trol the course of addiction on your relationship. But you might feel more in control if you can step back, see what is happening, and take steps to manage the challenges facing you in the moment. Just knowing that the doubt, confusion, frustration or despair you may be feeling are common and even predictable might help you regain perspective and cope more steadily.

TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF

How are you coping? Are you drinking or smoking more? Missing work? Pulling away from friends because you’re too caught up in stress at home, trying to hide your partner’s addiction, or thinking they just don’t want to hear you gripe about it anymore? These are all warning signs that you are starting to lose yourself in the dust cloud of your partner’s substance abuse.

Taking care of yourself might mean signing up for a class, getting together regularly with close friends, seeing a therapist or finding an on-line support group. You cannot help your partner or your relationship if you yourself are falling apart.

TREATMENT AND LIFE AFTERWORDS

Once the recovery process begins, your partner will go through a lot of changes. Mood swings, shifts in personality and physical energy, and more mood swings. He may even start talking funny, using new words and phrases he’s picked up in treatment. This is generally a very hopeful and promising time, one that requires a lot of personal effort and help from others.

Your partner may be spending a lot of time at support group meetings and making new friends who are also in recovery. While you may feel happy that he is making such progress, you might also feel a bit jealous of his new recovery friends upon whom your partner might rely more for support than you. “How can they understand you better when we’ve been together so long?” You’re not being replaced. Only people with addic-tion can really “get it,” and that insight and shared experience are extremely supportive in recovery.

After treatment, you may feel anxious to get back to normal or to feel like you deserve a little more attention after all you’ve been through to support him. But again, you will have to be patient. Understand that he really does need time in early recovery to stay very focused on his own needs to avoid relapse. Having said that, don’t be afraid to express your feelings honestly. Part of recovery is learning how to communicate about emotions in an open, respectful way. Your reward of a better, more loving relationship is coming.

WILL OUR RELATIONSHIP CHANGE AFTER TREATMENT

Yes. Most couples do not return to their lives as if nothing has happened. On the positive side, you may see improvement in communication: more openness, more honesty, more frequency, more sincerity. Most people emerge from treatment looking forward to a “fresh start” and to making important changes. Of course you’ll want to share in this optimism.

But you were likely the one he hurt the most, and that pain doesn’t heal right away. It is normal to feel conflicted about your partner’s post-treatment return to your life. On one hand you’re glad to see him and glad he’s doing better, but on the other hand, you remember the stream of broken promises, deception, and bullshit. This conflict will take time to resolve. Don’t pretend it isn’t there. Talk about it if you feel it.

Perhaps the hardest part of rebuild-ing relationships is rebuilding trust. Of course he wants to make changes, to make it up to you, to be a better partner. But he has probably said that countless times before, so why would now be any different? Again, this caution is something almost all partners feel. All the hope-ful words do not mean as much as real, tangible actions. And without a doubt, that first time he doesn’t show up for something or doesn’t call when he said he would, you’ll probably wonder right away if he is drinking or using again. This is all very typical.

A FINAL WORD

After reading this, you may get the impression that the odds of your relationship surviving or even flourishing after addiction are against you. That’s not always the case. Many partnerships strengthen through these challenges, and yours might too. But it takes hard, hard work on the part of both partners to get there. In either event, you will emerge with a better understanding of yourself and of what you want and need in a relationship. And this deeper awareness will help bring more authenticity and more fulfillment to this partnership or to the next

Authored by Susan Kingston, Educator Consultant with the Drug Use and HIV Prevention Team, Public Health – Seattle & King County. susan.kingston@metrokc.gov

Photograph by Nathan Rupert

Will Michelle Rayner be the First Out LGBTQ Member of Congress from Florida?

Michelle Rayner for Congress

The Victory Fund has endorsed Michelle Rayner for the US House of Representatives District 13 seat. If she wins, Rayner will become the first out LGBTQ member of congress from Florida. District 13 includes the cities of St. Petersburg, Largo, and Clearwater. The primary election takes place August 13th, 2022, and the general election will take place November 8th, 2022.

Victory fund writes ….

Civil rights and social justice attorney Michele Rayner made history in 2020 when she was elected as the first openly queer Black member of the Florida legislature and immediately established herself as one of the strongest advocates for underserved communities. Now, she’s ready to do more for her constituents by bringing their fight to Washington.

Michele was raised by a family of changemakers in Pinellas County. Her parents both integrated the University of South Florida in the early 1960s, with her mother going on to become one of the first Black social workers in St. Petersburg and her father successfully putting himself through engineering school while working in a warehouse. Her parents established themselves as community leaders and set an example for Michele with their dedication to service.

After law school, Michele joined the Hillsborough County Public Defender’s office, a position she was drawn to because she felt it was where she could do the most good for the most vulnerable in her community. While serving as a public defender, she learned the importance of truly listening to and steadfastly advocating for clients who have limited agency.

Michele was called to ensure justice again when she became an attorney for Markeis McGlockton’s family, working alongside civil rights attorney Ben Crump. Markeis was shot and killed in an altercation in a Clearwater parking lot, reigniting the debate over Florida’s controversial “Stand Your Ground” law 6 years after the death of Trayvon Martin. During the 2019 trial, the killer was found guilty of manslaughter and sentenced to 20 years in prison. The experience made it clear to Michele that running for the legislature could help her do more to fight unjust laws like Stand Your Ground and prevent future tragedies from occurring.

Growing up, Michele’s father always told her: “Help others, do the right thing and most of all, always keep your head up high.” To this day, Michele keeps her head up and will continue to do so as a leader for her constituents, ensuring an equitable recovery from COVID, protecting voting rights, and demanding real justice for underserved communities in Congress.

Michele currently lives in St. Petersburg with her wife Bianca and their dogs.

Provincetown Gay Bars, Restaurants, and Clubs

LGBTQ Provincetown

The Vault
The Vault is a landmark cruisy hangout for the Bear, Leather and Uniform crowds, with hot guys, pulsing music and boot-black station.
https://onlyatthecrown.com/venue/6-the-vault

A-House
The Atlantic House in Provincetown, Massachusetts is a drinking establishment that has been in continual operation on the tip of Cape Cod for over two centuries.
ahouse.com

Shipwreck Lounge
Brass Key Guesthouse’s bar serves martinis & wine in cozy, parlorlike digs with a fireplace & patio.
ptownlounge.com

Old Colony Tap
Dingy, dimly lit, creaky floorboards, wonky chairs, down to earth, good old drinking den.
old-colony-tap.business.site

Aqua Bar
Chill hangout on the harbor with a spacious deck, offering an array of specialty cocktails & beer.
www.aquabarptown.com

Boatslip Resort and Beach Club
Adults-only, gay-friendly hotel with relaxed rooms, poolside parties, free breakfast & a buzzy bar.
theboatslip.com

Governor Bradford Restaurant
Lively spot with lunch only in off-season & all-day menu in summer, plus popular drag karaoke.
fb.com/Governor-Bradford-Restaurant-198879440180789/

Photograph by Ted Eytan

Key West Gay Bars, Restaurants, and Clubs

Key West Gay Bars, Restaurants, and Clubs

Bourbon Street Pub
New Orleans-themed gay destination for theme nights, drag shows & outdoor pool with bar & theater.
www.bourbonstpub.com

Saloon One
Historical gay watering hole with late hours, drink specials, live entertainment & an outdoor patio.
fb.com/Saloon1KW

801 Bourbon Bar
Nightclub with a gay bar & lively mix of drag shows, bingo, karaoke & other events.
801.bar

Aqua Bar and Nightclub
Interactive drag shows, DJ dance music & cocktails draw revelers to this glowing party & show bar
www.aquakeywest.com

Garden of Eden
This clothing-optional, rooftop bar features cocktails, body painting, scenic views & regular DJs.
bullkeywest.com/garden-of-eden

Sidebar Key West
A nightclub and party venue in Key West with dance floor, music and drinks. We host special events
sidebarkeywest.com







Photograph by Chuck Coker

Kayla Quimbley Joins Presidential Advisory Committee on HIV/AIDS

Kayla Quimbley

On August 4, 2021, Assistant Secretary for Health, Dr. Rachel Levine, swore in eight new members to the Presidential Advisory Council on HIV/AIDS (PACHA), one of the newest members being Kayla Quimbley, a Georgia Equality Youth HIV Policy Advisor and youth HIV advocate.

Quimbley, as a Youth HIV Policy Advisor, is trained on policy and advocacy while being equipped with the resources needed to educate state, city, and county-level policymakers around the creation of meaningful HIV- related laws and strategy.

According to www.hiv.gov, “The PACHA provides advice, information, and recommendations to the Secretary of Health and Human Services regarding programs, policies, and research to promote effective prevention, treatment, and cure of HIV disease and AIDS. This includes recommendations to the Secretary regarding the development and implementation of the Ending the HIV Epidemic in the U.S. initiative and the HIV National Strategic Plan.”

As a member of Advocates’ Engaging Communities around HIV Organizing (ECHO) council and as a National Youth HIV AIDS Awareness Day Ambassador, Quimbley is utilizing her skills, and lived experience, to eradicate HIV stigma, reduce the number of new HIV transmissions, and directly influence policy change.

Quimbley has dedicated herself to raising awareness of how HIV disproportionately impacts youth of color and continuously works to ensure that youth have access to medically accurate information.

Georgia Equality celebrates Kayla Quimbley for her dedication and is a true inspiration. We know she will be an assest to the PACHA.

National LGBTQ+ Women’s Survey

National LGBTQ+ Women's SUrvey

A message from the organizers of the National Women’s Survey:

Take the survey now at: www.lgbtqwomensurvey.org

What is the Survey and who is it for?

We strive to create a platform for the wide range of experiences we know exist among lesbian/bi/transleasbian/nonbinary/queer/intersex people.  We welcome lesbian, bi, pansexual, trans, intersex, asexual, and queer women who partner with women; trans men who want to report on their experience of partnering with women when they identified as or were perceived to be girls or women; and non-binary people who partner with or have partnered with women.

Who is doing this project?

I initiated this project and have been working to launch it for over two years.  It is done under the umbrella of Justice Work, a nonprofit think tank, and is supported by many leading LGBTQ funders and partner organizations (see list on website).

You’ll recognize a lot of the members of our Advisory team as veteran queer, racial justice activists and researchers including political scientist and researcher Cathy Cohen; HIV researcher Tonia Poteat; Zami Nobla Founder Mary Anne Adams; US Transgender Survey director, Sandy James; Williams Institute’s leading scholars Bianca Wilson and Lee Badgett; founder of the Social Justice Sexuality Project at CUNY, Juan Battle; bisexual and feminist leader Loraine Hutchins; trans legal scholar and organizer Dean Spade, among others. 

Our research team is led alongside me, by Dr. Jaime Grant (who co-authored the first National Transgender Discrimination Study); Dr. Alyasah Ali Sewell, Director of the Race & Policing Project at Emory University, who leads work on developing quantative approaches to racism studies and addressing racial health disparties; and Dr. Carla Sutherland, who has done groundbreaking work in global LGBTQ human rights and research

What’s unique about this survey?  

This is a first-of-its-kind, national grassroots community survey of LGBTQ+ women/womxn who partner with women.  

It is a study that will capture nuance and queer fabulousness as we catalogue our identities, life experiences, survival strategies, kinship structures, partnerships, and families.

We hope it will become the largest dataset of LGBTQ+ womxn’s experiences in the country and in the world. 

We are asking your help in three ways:

1.  Please take the survey and share with your friends and communities to which you are connected.  A total of 30-40 minutes to take the survey could help change movement priorities and mainstream ideas about LGBTQ+ wimmin.  You can go to the website, www.lgbtqwomensurvey.org or use this direct link:  www.lgbtqwomensurvey.org/survey

2.  We ask CenterLink and its members to please post about this survey to your social media accounts, and to consider emailing the link for the survey to your email lists.  Attached are two graphics you can use for facebook and Instagram.

3. Please consider sharing an article or blurb about the survey in your newsletters, podcasts, publications and other materials that you share with our communities that may be coming out in the fall of 2021 (the survey is open until December).  Our team would be happy to do interviews or write op-eds if that is helpful! 

Take the survey now at: www.lgbtqwomensurvey.org

DC Gay Bars, Clubs, and Restaurants

Gay Bars, in Washington, DC

Green Lantern
Gay bar with lounge hosting special events such as live dancers & ’80s nights.
www.greenlanterndc.com

JR’s Bar
A popular happy hour, show-tune singalongs & other events draw crowds to this neighborhood gay bar.
jrsbar-dc.com

Trade
Narrow, no-nonsense gay bar offering typical drinks, including huge cocktails during happy hour. Inclusive space.
tradebardc.com

Number Nine
This upscale, bi-level gay bar offers inventive cocktails on both floors & a video bar upstairs.
www.numberninedc.com

Pitchers DC
Lively, sports-themed gay bar featuring pub grub, themed event nights & a patio area.
www.pitchersbardc.com

The Dirty Goose
Chic hangout with a rooftop bar for craft cocktails, signature martinis & a concise American menu.
thedirtygoosedc.com

The Fireplace
Lively gay bar draws a crowd of regulars to its clubby interior for drinks & VJ/DJs upstairs.
www.facebook.com/thefireplacedc

Annies Paramount Steakhouse
Steaks & American basics plus a popular weekend brunch served in a dining room or lively bar area.
www.anniesparamountdc.com

Uproar Lounge
Lively tri-level gay bar offering small plates & sushi in a relaxed atmosphere with a rooftop deck.
www.uproarlounge.com

Duplex Diner
Gay welcoming diner serves American fare from sandwiches & salads to steak & potatoes. Open late-night.
www.duplexdiner.com

Photograph by Ted Eytan

Udo Kier and Michael Urie on their queer cross-generational bond in ‘Swan Song’

Arthouse icon Udo Kier and co-star Michael Urie on their moving, queer cross-generational bond in ‘Swan Song’

An Aging Queen Gets His Swan Song
By Chris Azzopardi

Swan Song is available on Amazon Prime

German character actor Udo Kier is on camera holding old prints of press photos from his previous films over his face like a Halloween mask. He jokes that if a journalist dare ask a terrible question that he considers daft, the photos, not Kier himself, will answer back. Luckily those prints never made their way back onto camera during our conversation, which also included his “Swan Song” co-star Michael Urie.

“Swan Song,” the new film from openly gay “Edge of Seventeen” director Todd Stephens (“Another Gay Movie,” “Another Gay Movie 2: Gays Gone Wild”), wouldn’t be the film it is without Kier’s brilliant performance at the heart of it. He’s a leading man for the first time, rightly earning him some of the biggest buzz of his 50-year career. But there’s no question the film’s bittersweet coda, a scene that serves as an elegiac tribute that Kier shares with Urie (“Ugly Betty”), is something special in its own right. Poignantly, it honors older generations of unapoletically queer elders who enriched the lives of younger LGBTQ+ populations, demonstrating that, without them, queer life now wouldn’t be the same. 

Though Kier, also openly gay, has appeared in more than 220 films over the span of five decades (among them: almost all of Lars von Trier’s films, as well as Dario Argento’s “Suspiria” and Gus Van Sant’s “My Own Private Idaho”), he’s never played a character as proudly gay as Pat Pitsenberger, a legendary Ohio hairstylist known as the “Liberace of Sandusky.” Women loved Mr. Pat, as he’s called, for making them look, and consequently feel, beautiful.

Now in his advanced years and living in a nursing home, retired from doing hair, he’s more than earned the right to be a bitter old queen. Mr. Pat survived the AIDS epidemic, lost friends, was at the forefront of gay liberation. In this new gay world, he’s an outsider all over again, his glory days behind him. But when one of his former clients dies and he’s asked to do her hair, he has an opportunity to reclaim the history that made him who he is.

Kier, speaking from Los Angeles, and Urie, at home in New York, recently chatted about shooting their powerful scene, what attracted them to the film and the legacies they hope to leave behind.

What made you agree to do this project?

Udo Kier: For me, I got the script and I liked it. I said, “I want to meet Todd, because I want to see if I can work with him.” If I wouldn’t have liked him, I wouldn’t have made the film. But I liked him.

He came to Palm Springs, and we talked about it. His script was very strong. And I wanted to shoot as chronologically as we could. I wanted to start in the retirement home, which we did. I stayed there a single day on my own with no camera, because I wanted to feel the bed, I wanted to see where everything was. And then we went into town.

For me, the importance (of) this film is the different generation — my generation — and going back (to Ohio), and people don’t recognize me anymore. You see, I’m from Germany, and in Germany … if two men lived together, and the neighbors were hearing some erotic noises, they could call the police and the people were arrested and put in jail. Now they’re holding hands at Applebee’s.

So I think it’s so, so wonderful (that) in (a) relatively short time, two men or two women can get married and adopt children. It’s amazing. It’s amazing that, after 50 years in the business working with genius directors like Lars von Trier and Gus Van Sant, the critics now write that it is my best film.

Michael Urie: It was Udo from the beginning. When I was offered the job, he was already on board. That was very exciting to me, ’cause I’ve been a longtime fan of both the filmmaker, Todd, and Udo. But it’s this quiet observation that we as queer people have when we’re younger. Most queer people do not grow up in households with other queer people, and so we look elsewhere to find ourselves to see what we could be.

Michael, your character Dustin acknowledges that Pat, even though they had never met, made it easier for him to be openly gay. Who are the queer people you never personally knew who paved the way for you to be openly gay?

Urie: I’m from Texas, and I grew up in a suburb of Dallas called Plano, Texas. I was in drama in high school, and I was reading great queer literature and (there was) theater: “Angels in America” and Terrence McNally plays. I was exposed to this stuff, and I was aware of it and titillated by it. But there was a guy in my high school who was tall, strapping, extremely well dressed, very attractive, and pretty obviously gay. When I picture him in my head, he’s 30, even though he was, of course, 17 at the time. I looked to him and his strength and his power and his beauty. He was, in many ways, my Mr. Pat. I still think back on him. I still think about how awesome he was.

As gay men, do either of you see parts of yourself reflected in Pat?

Kier: I think, first of all, Michael, you did amazing, good work. (Our) scene on the couch works so well because I don’t move one inch. If I would have had a conversation, that would have been not good. But just having the cigarettes with the ashes, and listening, listening, listening made it stronger than if I would have answered you.

I’m more like an actor who likes to underplay (the character). That’s why, also, I never rehearsed with Todd, because Todd is a director who likes to rehearse. I learned from Lars von Trier, (whose) favorite line is, “Don’t act.” I always think about, especially if you’re in a movie like “Swan Song,” when you have a strong story, a strong situation, which is funny at times, and sad at times, there’s no need to do acting numbers. A lot of actors, they’ll start with their back to the camera, by the chimney, and then they’ll turn around and they’ll talk to the floor, and finally they’ll come up to the camera. No, no, no, no.

Yesterday I saw 20 minutes (of “Swan Song”), and today I will see the whole film at Outfest, and it’s a strong film. I hope a lot of people will see it. I showed it before to a few friends. Not many. I don’t have many friends. But I showed it to a few friends, and they all said, “Oh, I cried and cried. And I laughed.” So that is good. If you’re able to tell a story where people laugh and cry, that’s good.

It’s amazing how many really young people liked the movie. You know, I was afraid that (they’d say), “There’s an old man.” But it’s not true. There were young, young people. And one girl, yesterday, said to Todd, “This is one of my favorite films ever.” And I said, “Wow. Maybe she only goes once a year to the cinema.”

I got choked up throughout the movie thinking a lot about my older self and what I might be like when Im Pat’s age, how I might look back on my life. Do you feel like you share something in common with Pat when it comes to being gay and aging?

Kier: That’s why I accepted the role. Todd told me a lot about Pat and when I got there (to Sandusky) I talked to Pat’s friends and (they) told me how he was smoking and things like that. It’s definitely the generation, and we’re very lucky that in Sandusky, the main street became our set. So in that green suit, I went to have a glass of chardonnay, and they all know me. There was the secondhand store and across the street was the theater, so it became all real. It was not a film where you have trailers. No, no, no, no. It was a real film. It was all from my heart. It wasn’t calculated. I never in the whole film calculated a situation. When I come out and say, “I’m back!,” that was a copy of Liberace. Because when Liberace was performing in Las Vegas, he ran through the stage with all (his) rings and said, “You paid for them.”

Because this movie says a lot about the legacies we leave behind, how do both of you hope others will remember you?

Kier: Well, in my case, because Mike is so much younger, doing it for 50 years, being Andy Warhol’s Dracula, Andy Warhol’s Frankenstein, people will, I guess, remember me (for those roles). But, for me, it’s really amazing that Variety and all the critics write that (“Swan Song” is) my best film. I feel a little bit strange about that. Making so many films with great directors, like “My Own Private Idaho” with Gus, and now they write it’s my best film. I know why. You know why? Because I have the leading part, and you follow the character. If you have a guest part in a film, people say, “He’s very good. He’s a good villain, yeah, yeah, yeah.” But they cannot follow you through the story, from folding napkins to wearing wonderful shoes when he’s dead (laughs).

Urie: I guess I want my legacy to be: “He was part of cool things. And he was always himself.” I’ve been in a lot of queer movies and queer theater and —

Kier: Strange movies.

Urie: (Laughs.) I’ve been in a lot of strange movies. And there was a point when I was first on TV and I was playing a very flamboyant gay character and I was told, “Don’t do this again. Don’t do any more of these. Don’t get pigeonholed.” And I thought, “There’s so many different kinds of gay people.” And I do play gay parts all the time, and they are different. We have so many different ways of being LGBTQ, and there are so many stories to tell.

I’m so proud to be part of this one, which I saw with a group at the Rooftop Film Festival in Brooklyn (with) a group of predominantly heterosexual people who loved it. That is a really exciting thing, too, to be a part of a movie that you would maybe call a gay movie because the protagonist is gay and the central conflict has to do with his homosexuality, but this is a straight person’s gay movie. Straight people love it. I think that’s a testament to Udo and a performance at the center that can compel and delight and break your heart. It’s a piece of life, watching it. And working on it felt like walking into the movie.

As Udo said, we took over that town — or they took over that town, and I showed up. I showed up at a certain point in the shoot and I felt like I was walking into a movie — not onto a film set, but into a movie. There he was in his green suit, and we didn’t talk much before we started shooting. He wanted our first interaction to be our first interaction. I’m used to going on stage and making people laugh, and here I am in this movie, reacting to a person. This is a guy walking into my space, and it was actually very easy because he was bringing so much over to me.

Michael, what do you think this film says about aging, in particular regarding the queer demographic?

Urie: That’s very interesting because now the way queer people navigate the world — marriage, parenting — there is a more traditional society-based way of getting older. An older person gets taken care of (by) family and loved ones. But I think all of us as queer people, we’re not going to have a life that society deems as normal. That is one of the things that we fear: that we will grow old alone or have no one to take care of us. Certainly it’s a fear that I have and I think about.

But what’s so beautiful about Mr. Pat and the way in which I relate to Mr. Pat is that, even though now it’s 2021 and queer people are accepted — I can walk down the street holding hands with my partner and I don’t feel any shame anymore or any danger, and I actually feel proud to do that; we’re legal, we’re allowed to marry, we’re allowed to have kids, we have full protections under the law, for the most part, I can blend in, I can assimilate — I don’t want to.

I think that is something that the older generation, when marriage equality became a thing and when people started getting married, thought, “Why would we need that? We’ve been fine without that. We don’t wanna be like straight people; we don’t wanna get married.” It’s two different things. It’s the right to be married, versus the need to be married. Also, I’m proud of who I am, and I’m proud to be different, and I don’t need to assimilate. I can be someone else. I think that I want to always have a little bit of Mr. Pat. I don’t wanna walk down the street and have people think, “That’s a straight person.”

Kier: (Laughs.) You have to get a green suit! Get a green suit and just smoke like (him).

Yesterday I looked up, because I hear (it) now so many times, the word “queer.” I wanted to look in the dictionary (to see) what it means. And queer means, actually, strange. If you go on the dictionary, it says queer means strange. Um, (I) definitely did a strange performance. (Laughs.)

So you might call your performance queer?

Kier: Not me. It’s just a performance. It’s not my swan song. I have made already four films after that. And so it’s not my swan song. That was the danger of it: I thought, “Oh my god, ‘Swan Song.’ I’m 77 years old soon, so is that maybe my last movie?” No, no, no. I had to go to Lars von Trier and quickly make a movie. And that’ll be my swan song.

Swan Song is available on Amazon Prime

This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity

New York City Gay Bars, Restaurants, and Clubs

NYC Gay Bars, Restaurants, and Clubs

Ty’s Bar NYC
A Christopher Street classic since 1972, this gay bar draws an older crowd.
tys.nyc

Flaming Saddles Saloon
Wild West-themed, cash-only gay bar with cowboy decor, country-&-western music & dancing barkeeps.
flamingsaddles.com/nyc

Phoenix Bar
Gay & lesbian mainstay in the East Village known for its jukebox & relaxed atmosphere.
www.phoenixbarnyc.com

Hardware
Hardware store turned buzzy nightclub with a large dance floor & DJs plus nightly live performances.
www.hardware-bar.com

The Stonewall Inn
Gay bar & National Historic Landmark, site of the 1969 riots that launched the gay rights movement.
thestonewallinnnyc.com

Pieces
Tuesday night karaoke, drag spectaculars & other events drive this local, long-standing gay bar.
www.piecesbar.com

The Townhouse of New York
Gay cocktail lounge with 3 bars (including a piano room with nightly performances) & a dress code.
townhouseny.com

The Monster
Classic gay hangout offers piano bar upstairs & a basement level for dancing, music & mingling.
monsterbarnyc.com

Nowhere
Low-ceilinged gay bar with a subterranean feel, diverse beer menu & jukebox.
www.nowherebarnyc.com

Boxers NYC
Popular 2-level gay sports bar with big TVs, pool tables, brick-oven pizza, drink specials.
boxersnyc.com

Playhouse
Buzzing gay bar offering beer, cocktails, drag shows, happy-hour drink specials & dancing.
www.instagram.com/playhousebarnyc

Rise Bar
Modern, brick-lined gay bar for cocktails & entertainment from drag shows to karaoke nights.
www.risebarnyc.com

Cubbyhole
Longtime lesbian & gay Village local has jukebox, free popcorn, drink specials & colorful decor.
cubbyholebar.com

Industry Bar
Spacious, industrial-chic gay bar with a bustling after-work scene fueled by a nightly happy hour.
www.industry-bar.com

REBAR Chelsea
Energetic gay bar offering DJs, drag shows & more in an industrial-chic atmosphere.
www.rebarchelsea.com

Photograph by Peter Burka